2021 was perhaps the most challenging year of my life, but at the same time it was the year I became free, became me again. The symphony of emotions experienced would likely have caused most humans to make a choice other than the one I chose, but when the goal is to be happy oftentimes that means going through sadness, suffering and deep self discovery first. When you are in the dark tunnel and have started things in motion you have to experience every feel…there is no hiding if you want to come out into the light at the other end. That is the only way to wake up.
The fact remains that in order to get through divorce and live your most blissful life, you must put yourself first. I have learned many lessons in my journey to happiness, and this is a big one. Here is the key to this “me first” lifestyle—it is the ONLY way to love yourself completely and find true happiness.
If I had to choose one lesson I’ve learned over the last few years in my journey to loving myself and finding happiness, letting go would be at the top of my list. Many people understand the concept and even like the idea of letting go of things, ideas or people that do not serve them, but in actuality they never do it. Some reasons people don’t follow through are fear of rejecting others, not being understood, changing a lifestyle, giving up a pattern, disappointing people, and not knowing how to let go, but to truly find happiness it is a necessary step.
Being alone is one of the things many human beings fear the most. The idea of being sick, getting old, dying, or even facing big decisions and life changes seems scary to many people, and many poor relationships are mainly because of the fear of leaving. When you think about this logically it is beyond sad, because it means that so many people are unable to tune into themselves and enjoy the silence. The world today is so full of stimulation, with the Internet and split-second connectedness, that if we do not truly learn how to appreciate disconnecting and being with ourselves we are losing out on enjoying the best part of being alive.
Victim consciousness is the lowest level of consciousness, and it is where a large majority of people reside. They believe things happen TO them. Until they realize that they have control over their happiness/success/achievements/financial position and so on, they will continue to
live in fear and remain victims. Newsflash: Until you get out of victim consciousness you cannot thrive and be happy!
Healing from divorce can be an enormous undertaking, but the takeaway is that if you pay attention to your words and thoughts you will orchestrate changes within yourself and evolve into a beautiful human being, full of love. Anyone can do this but they have to do the work; it may not always be easy and will not happen overnight. Humans are always changing, and if you reach a point where you are not constantly morphing from a caterpillar into a butterfly (regardless of how long each change may take), you need to take stock in order to find true
happiness.
When most people think of abundance they visualize material things and money. But the concept is much deeper and quite the contrary. Abundance refers to having all your needs met—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When we live in abundance we have beauty and happiness, health and vitality, wealth accumulated by doing what we love, enabling us to spread that love and affect others in positive ways. It is a mindset, and in order to see changes you must adopt it.
Being healthy is one of the most important and necessary ingredients to finding true happiness and living an abundant life. If you want to be happy and you are loading up on sugar and caffeine, meat, fried and junk foods and alcohol, you will not be your sharpest or leanest, nor will you be functioning at your highest level of mental fitness. I personally believe that diet can prevent all kinds of illness, and that it is also a way to escape illness (with the right direction from an expert, or course, and in partnership with your doctor).
One of the hardest things for any human being to do is to really dive deep inside oneself and look at patterns of behavior that cause us to be unhappy, stuck, unfulfilled, or to experience a myriad of negative feelings. This is especially true in relationships. Many people have no idea they even have established patterns, and once they do discover them they can start on a path to eradicating those that do not serve, leading to a happier life.
Awakening to a blissful life requires a lot of personal growth work, and it is absolutely an incredible journey. But it is also challenging and emotional, as it requires you to step up to be the best version of yourself. In the end though, if you stay true to yourself and trust your instincts, you will come to a place you could not have imagined. That place is the true YOU, the you that deserves light and love and happiness.
Divorce is never easy, even in situations where the parties are not battling and remain civil, because the union is suffused with history, feelings, connections with others, and oftentimes a family. Even when a person knows it is the right thing to do in order to be happy there can be moments of self-doubt or missing the relationship, even long after the split.
Oftentimes a former partner has difficulty with a relationship taking on a new existence, and that can in turn affect us and our own journey (what I call reverse hiccups). My ex-husband and I are coming together to help one of our children, who is facing some medical challenges right now. It is a time to put aside any negativity and focus only on selflessness and love. Regardless, these situations can get tricky so it is important to continue to stand in your truth and set boundaries.
One big lesson I learned through the challenging end of my marriage and subsequent divorce was how important it is to use one’s voice to express feelings and be vulnerable. For me this was a surprise because I am not one to shy away from stating my case and using my voice. I have always been vocal, fighting for what I wanted, teaching and mentoring others – always a leader. But somehow during the last years of my marriage I started keeping feelings and emotions inside and not sharing them.
Each one of us needs to dive deep to discover WHY we are here. It is not to merely live a satisfactory life—we are here to live a BLISSFUL life! We cannot do that if we are stuck in a job, relationship or living situation that is not contributing to us becoming the best and highest version of ourselves. Life is too short for settling.
